Tag Archives: California

The Power And Impossibilium

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I dreamt about you last night.

It was the first time in a long while that my unconscious mind has wandered down this road. My conscious mind, aware of time and distance, has been battered by the ravages of war. It still longs for things that can never be.

But while I sleep, an alternate universe is woven like a web that glimmers with a fresh morning dew. And in it, I relive your beauty. 

My gaze falls upon your raven hair and its perfect sheen. I can feel your warmth through our clothes as we sit pressed against one another in an overcrowded car. Your scent penetrates the nostrils of my unconscious self with a delicacy that my conscious mind is no longer able to recall. Your smile delights me and your throaty laugh hints towards a deep, untamed passion. My lips are even allowed a subtle moment to brush your bare shoulder, unnoticed by everyone except you and I. 

Here, in this place created by my memory and my imagination, we are unchanged by the events of our conscious lives. Our past is alive, our present is altered and our future is immaterial. It is the moment and I am cleansed by its purity.

Inevitably, I wake to the realization that it is merely a dream, a reflection of the raw power you hold within my heart. I am moved to tears by the beauty of it and also by its impossibility.

Odd Subjects of Research

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There are a few things that I’ve been curious about as of late. Things I’ve seen on television, random topics I’ve come across or things that friends have told me about that I felt the need to look into.

The Salton Sea

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This is California’s largest lake which also has a long and bizarre history. Partially natural and partially man-made, the “lake” is a shallow, saline, endorheic rift lake located directly on the San Andreas Fault, predominantly in California’s Imperial and Coachella Valleys. It boasts a history of being fertile farm land, a vibrant beach front getaway and, later, a salty marine wasteland.

The Annunaki

Yes, thank you Giorgio Tsoukalos. Your hilarious Ancient Aliens television show never ceases to entertain me. With tons of references to the pseudoscientific Mesopotamian deities in his show, the show infers that the Annunaki are somehow the creators and caretakers of humanity. Funny how it’s neglected that they are also commonly revered as Reptilian overlords… which gets you into all kinds of even more wacky conspiracy theorists than Giorgio Tsoukalos. Yes, David Icke, I’m talking about you and your psychotropic, stoner ass.

Russian Mafia

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Ok, so blame David Cronenberg, Viggo Mortensen and Naomi Watts. This is a fascinating and brutally harsh movie giving a serious insight into a world many of us can fathom. You thought that the American mafia of the 50s, 60s and 70s were tough… the even more secretive Russian mafioso makes Al Capone and crew look like a bunch of giant pussies. Go ahead and watch Taken while you’re at it to guarantee that you will never let a young, female family member ever travel by themselves anywhere ever again.

A Second Time

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This was originally written on March 9, 2008 and was posted at 10:54 pm on that night.

I haven’t been able to decide whether it’s fitting or ironic that I’m sitting on an airplane operated by United Airways. It’s taking me further and further away from the woman I love with every passing second. It’s separating us, rather than uniting us. On the other hand, being able to spend a whole weekend together managed to unite us in ways I didn’t predict. Obviously, I’m torn.

I guess maybe it depends on where I want to place my focus; on the time we spent together or having to leave. While I believe it’s important to take some time to mourn our parting, I prefer to place more of my focus on how our limbs intertwined while naked in bed or her beautiful eyes and sparkling lips or being able to have coffee and talk about literature and our pasts.

We had two days and two nights together. We tried to do everything together; things we had long dreamed of. We showered together, I watched her put on her make up (like I always do), we had breakfast together, we openly kissed and hugged and laughed. To anyone else, we could have been your average married couple on the town. No one would have known the wiser so we took advantage and blatantly stole kisses at every opportunity. I loved waking up at her side, watching her peaceful face lie still against the backdrop of a sheer white curtain in the window. I loved pressing my body against hers as we slept; not having to fear my hands being pushed away or rejected.

And, of course, we made love. At every opportunity we could take, we were undressing each other and pleasuring each other. The room resounded with her moans of pleasure and I grew very familiar with her gritting her teeth and bearing down on my cock. I buried my face in her neck and smelled her perfume, letting it fill my nostrils and intoxicate my mind. I kissed her soft lips and ran my hands over her incredibly soft body.

Coincidentally, Evey’s friends happened to be in the area and we met up with them for dinner and drinks. They all know Evey and her husband very well and they understand, all too well, their situation. It was a little awkward for both of us; two of her worlds were colliding and for me, conversations that involved her husband made me feel invisible or temporary. No one was trying to make me feel this way; in fact they were very understanding and accepting.

I feel really quite sad at pondering Evey’s situation and my role in it. Leaving her today made me feeling like I was throwing her to the wolves to be torn to bits. I know she’s a strong woman however I feel like I can’t just stand by and let this man destroy her. I felt like I was abandoning her.

I know that we will go back to our regular arrangement of phone calls, text messages, chats and camming. We will talk when we can and we will meet when we can. We will take advantage of every free moment and savour the taste of each one. Enjoy the moment; when you aren’t certain when the next moment is going to be, you enjoy each one as they come.

Fated.

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Note: This is a post I wrote November 15, 2007 about the woman that I still consider to be my soul mate and love with every fibre of my being.

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I don’t like to start off blog posts like this. In this case, I have no choice; I have been thinking for over a week of a way to relay the outcome of my trip alluded to in my last post. And for the past hour, I have been punching keys and then deleting them… feeling they were insufficient to portray the depth and significance of it.

How can you put words to what is quite possibly one of the most influential and monumental events of your life? How can you describe it in a way that does it justice?

The simple fact is that you can’t. But I’m going to try; be damned if I’m not going to try.

 Fated

Looking back, I feel like I had been involved in a cosmic Q & A session to find that, within 24 hours, all of my questions had been answered. And in those answers; the key to my future and my happiness seemed clear. The more time that goes past, the more I can appreciate the magnitude of what we’d done.

Although we’d both shared fantasies about our first meeting many times, nothing could prepare me for what it would actually be like. We shared each other in that hotel room; for hours. We made love, we talked, we touched, we held each other… it was incredible.

Right from the moment where she stepped past the doorway and into my arms, nothing that I can remember has ever felt so right. The smell of her perfume in my nose as I planted soft kisses on her neck, the softness of the skin on her lower back as I ran my hand beneath her top, the warmth of her breasts as they crushed against my chest; it was like the final pieces of a puzzle being placed together.

I savoured her body, her mind and her soul on that bed. No part of her body was left untouched. I wanted to commit every curve, every texture, every square inch of her to memory; from her toes to her ears. My lips went places on her body where I’m sure she’s never had a pair of lips go before. Each long and wistful moan she made was recorded; each sharp and pleasure driven breath she took was documented in my mind. We would spend periods in each other’s arms talking about our disbelief about being together and just staring into each other’s eyes.

I expressed my love for her verbally as well, sometimes unable to finish it before I moved in for a kiss. I treasured looking into her eyes while we made love and professing my devotion to her.