Category Archives: Cerebrum

Word Of The Day: Defenestration

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The defenestration, 1618 by Václav Brožík

de·fen·es·tra·tion

/dēˌfenəˈstrāSHən/

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noun

  1. FORMAL•HUMOROUS the action of throwing someone out of a window. “death by defenestration has a venerable history”
  2. INFORMAL the action of dismissing someone from a position of power or authority. “that victory resulted in Churchill’s own defenestration by the war-weary British electorate”

I had a fairly elaborate dream last night where this word featured prominently however, within the dream, I was using it incorrectly. I was treating it as though it were some kind of a defensive strategy word which, perhaps that might be true within a certain perspective… but in the context of my dream it was certainly incorrect.

I am not 100% certain on where I heard the word but I think it was on a new podcast that I started listening to. The first series is about Russian secret police dating way back in history and the episode I was listening to dealt with the NKVD during the reign of Stalin.

While in the era of the NKVD they really preferred to just shoot people in the back of the head rather than toss them out a window, I know he made reference to someone getting thrown out of a window. (Richard Sorge?) So, perhaps, he used the word defenestration and it lodged itself into my subconscious. Defenestration has come more into vogue within the last 50 years or so as a commonly accepted method of eliminating your political enemies in Russia as it can be thinly veiled as a suicide.

The more interesting character (read: piece of human garbage) that I might have to look into is Lavrenti Beria. To summarize him based on the information relayed to me in this podcast… he was a pedophiliac, murderer-rapist that was at the top of Russia’s secret police apparatus during Stalin’s era. Just when you think it couldn’t get any worse than Stalin, you come across a guy like Beria. Go communism!

The Power And Impossibilium

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I dreamt about you last night.

It was the first time in a long while that my unconscious mind has wandered down this road. My conscious mind, aware of time and distance, has been battered by the ravages of war. It still longs for things that can never be.

But while I sleep, an alternate universe is woven like a web that glimmers with a fresh morning dew. And in it, I relive your beauty. 

My gaze falls upon your raven hair and its perfect sheen. I can feel your warmth through our clothes as we sit pressed against one another in an overcrowded car. Your scent penetrates the nostrils of my unconscious self with a delicacy that my conscious mind is no longer able to recall. Your smile delights me and your throaty laugh hints towards a deep, untamed passion. My lips are even allowed a subtle moment to brush your bare shoulder, unnoticed by everyone except you and I. 

Here, in this place created by my memory and my imagination, we are unchanged by the events of our conscious lives. Our past is alive, our present is altered and our future is immaterial. It is the moment and I am cleansed by its purity.

Inevitably, I wake to the realization that it is merely a dream, a reflection of the raw power you hold within my heart. I am moved to tears by the beauty of it and also by its impossibility.

Deep Thinks On The Over-Plan

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Not every post here has to be a novel nor does it have to be Pulitzer-winning material. I need to remind myself of this… and frequently, it would seem. I start writing things and delete them because they aren’t thought out well or my writing is scatter-brained. 

It’s a chronic problem that I have, it’s my way of procrastinating. Instead of just doing it and letting the chips fall where they may, I analyze it and then over-analyze it until I’ve wasted sufficient time that the moment has passed. This problem doesn’t only apply to writing, I do it with a lot of things… come to think of it, I do it in many areas of my life where I’m afraid to take a step into a large or difficult task. I plan and analyze and often don’t get around to executing the plan and accomplishing that which I originally wanted to do. 

Why is this? Introspection on this matter leads me to wonder if it’s because I’m generally afraid to fail. 

Now, I think that a lot of people might just stop there when they’re getting introspective. But that ain’t me, as I’m telling you… I’m an over-analyzer. (And a procrastinator, don’t forget.) So I ask myself, ‘why am I afraid to fail or even produce something that is not good?’ [note that I never use the term ‘good’ because I feel that it’s over-used and ambiguous so to do it here is me trying to make progress] What is it about producing something in any form that is sub-standard that turns me off? 

Is it evidence that I am sub-standard? Is it proof that I am deeply flawed? Will people think of me differently by seeing the crappy fruits of my labor?

My feeling… my realization is that I have to accept that, regardless of what I do, my efforts are always going to be less than perfect in my own eyes and probably in the eyes of those around me. However, I am always doing and producing things that people see whether I am aware of it or not. I am always being judged and need to become comfortable with that. It’s my own imperfection that needs to drive me to be better and stronger rather than hinder or prevent me from moving forward and growing. 

Like that Featured Image up there… I took that photo on my iPhone and then edited it on my iPhone. It’s probably utter shite but it’s my utter shite. I’m just putting it out there and let it be what it is. 

Not perfect. Probably crap. But it’s mine. And I love it. 

The Wean

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This week has been pretty rough. I’ll get into it a little more when my head is clearer and I can write but there have been all kinds of weird things going on. 

The most recent withdrawal symptom I’m experiencing is that while I’m falling asleep or have unwittingly dropped off I keep having this feeling, this terrifying feeling, that there are supernatural forces existing in both my dream as well as real life and that my life is at risk.  

The transition effects of an SNRI on my unconscious brain have been quite awe-inspiring and over-the-top. While going on them is very ‘interesting’, weaning off of them is quite the opposite. My dreams are detailed and very dark. And they get darker yet. 

Ten Days Sober

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I’ve finished ten days of sobriety. Admittedly, I’m an alcoholic and it took a 36+ hour bender followed by a withdrawal seizure where I dislocated my arm in the process to commit me to sobriety. Granted, I’m off work right now on short term disability however things have been going well on my recovery. Going back to work will be the real test of my fortitude but, at this moment, I feel liberated. I feel like I’ve cast off the shackles that alcoholism has clasped around my ankles and wrists. It feels really positive.