Why is it that I have all of these great, thoughtful ideas for blog posts when I’m driving home from work but can’t actually turn any of those thoughts into a coherent post once I get in front of a laptop? Why is that?
After a couple of weeks, this place is finally starting to shape up. WordPress had been installed for a while but I didn’t really want to go live until I had a domain picked out. Once I got that domain set up, well… it was really confusing for a while.
Now… I have operated a self-hosted blog before but it’s been about ten years since I’d done so. Between completely forgetting about a ton of things and the technology advancing quite a bit with new services and options… the re-learning curve was pretty steep. I haven’t actually learned much because I relied upon Customer Service helping me out and… patience. Often, things just need to run their course and I forget that from time to time.
Anyway, I’m looking forward to writing here again more. I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately… seeing a therapist and am hoping to figure some stuff out with my life. What I want and where I want to be. Hopefully, I can use this blog to get myself back and live the life that I want to live.
I’m a little afraid.
I was doing some drunk blogging over the weekend and accidentally spilled a beverage into the keyboard of my MacBook Pro. I reacted quicker than most drunk people might to try to dry the whole thing off, turn it off and set it up to dry au naturel.
Two days later, it refuses to even power up. Not a good sign.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed but let this be a lesson to the rest of you; do not drink and blog.
I will explain all of the players and characters in my acts. Just not yet.
I posted a comment on rougedmount‘s post where she really revealed some intimate details of her life. She inspired me where I wrote:
In my youth when I first became sexual, I had a girlfriend who went out to see male strippers one night and proceeded to tell me that I had a small cock. She had nothing other than these male strippers to compare me to and have since learned that the size of my cock is decidedly average. However, I can’t even begin to tell you how devastating that was to me, as a man.
After that, I became a student of the pussy. I read voraciously about oral sex and was determined that if my cock was too small to pleasure a woman then my mouth and lips and tongue would overcome all of my other shortcomings.
And over the years, I have learned much and made many worn cum hard with my mouth and lips and tongue. However the scars that I carry with regard to being able to receive pleasure still remain.
Really, it is kind of a tangent from what she wrote but I felt that the power of her words inspired me in a way that I haven’t been inspired to write in a while. Depression has been my foe as of late and the first casualty of depression for me is creativity.
Every time I try to write something, it feels cliché. There are no words that can explain how I feel. I try to avoid thinking about it so that I can get by.
Anonymity.
Having been outed from within my own past blogging edifices, as well as various external sources, I’ve decided to return to a state of secrecy. No one knows about this place. Even my most treasured and trusted contacts throughout this global community do not know of it.
It’s not because I have anything to hide. At least, not that I am aware of anyway. I require a place to write and to think and to ponder. Writing and self-assessment is something that I haven’t had much room for in my life in the past few years. I’m not sure why, either. I may be afraid of what I will find now if I do. Or that I’m just trying to avoid the pain that came from my last blogging endeavour. I pretty much shut down after that and am not too eager to be hurt again like that.
Regardless, I am here again. I like to write. And I think there are many things that I need to rediscover in myself through the written word and putting my thoughts and feelings down in text.
So, I return to a state that I existed in over ten years ago. I am unnamed and unidentified.
Well, it’s all but official; my Tumblr is dead. In the face of the massive popularity of Tumblr in this day and age, you may ask… why the hell would I choose to leave Tumblr for WordPress, who seems to be behind the curve for social networking?
WordPress has always been my first love.
It is my love affair with the written word that keeps bringing me back. Words can do so much, although much is forgotten with this day and age with the popularity of posting photos. It is said that a picture is worth a thousand words but, in some instances, the thousand words provides more value.
Anyway, I need to be able to do more for me. Not everyone else anyway. That’s why WordPress is valuable. I am far more able to feel good about my posts with WordPress than any other system. And I understand it far more.