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Ministry – Scarecrow
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Author Archives: Distillusions
Hollywood Continues To Lie To Me…
I see so many fucking movies set back in ages where indoor plumbing was not even a twinkle in the eye of the greatest minds of the time… and there are sex scenes. These sex scenes are always so perfectly portrayed like some kind of PG rated porno film… but there are so many historical realities of the time that are not reflected. Even remotely!
All it takes to bring this home to me is if I go an entire weekend without a shower, then scratch my own taint and accidentally raise my hand anywhere near my nose. I mean…. DAMN. Humans do not smell good unless we be showering or bathing every second date MAX. My nuts tell me that three days is beyond the limit for my own personal freshness. I almost want to stop scratching myself.
You wear a mask for so long you forget who you were beneath it.
My Coffee Is Sacred
So, we have the carafe style coffee makers now. No more of this individualization of your coffee experience… unless you like using those syrups, then all the power to ya.
But everyone feels like they gotta get all creative with the coffee making. The one chick in this area who drinks decaf makes a 1.5 package pot of decaf. Whatever, it’s fucking decaf… you’re already laying with Satan for that.
But this older lady in the office, who I’m pretty sure she is a pack a day smoker, has been beating me into the office and taken over the whole coffee making thing. (I’ve been consistently making the coffee since switching over and she’s been at the other office until last week.)
She has got the philosophy of only making a half pot since “it’s more flavorful” this way. I don’t know what the fuck she is doing but yesterday and Friday, the coffee tasted like battery acid was mixed in and this morning is is weak as fuck.
Why do people need to keep fucking with my coffee? If I had any confidence that it wouldn’t get stolen, I’d just buy a Tassimo to keep at my desk.
And, to that older lady? If you want your food or drink to me more flavorful… how about you quit fucking smoking, ok?
You might actually be able to taste things if you didn’t dump ashes into your mouth all day long. Think about that.
How Gross Is My Cell Phone?
Created by Oatmeal
Only In Canada…
…could you have a homeless bum on the roster of your professional sports team.
Of course, I’m only kidding. The Edmonton Eskimos kicker, Hugh O’Neill, isn’t a hobo (as far as I know) but he sure looks like one. Either that or maybe the fifth member of The Sheepdogs.
Odd Subjects of Research
There are a few things that I’ve been curious about as of late. Things I’ve seen on television, random topics I’ve come across or things that friends have told me about that I felt the need to look into.
The Salton Sea
This is California’s largest lake which also has a long and bizarre history. Partially natural and partially man-made, the “lake” is a shallow, saline, endorheic rift lake located directly on the San Andreas Fault, predominantly in California’s Imperial and Coachella Valleys. It boasts a history of being fertile farm land, a vibrant beach front getaway and, later, a salty marine wasteland.
The Annunaki
Yes, thank you Giorgio Tsoukalos. Your hilarious Ancient Aliens television show never ceases to entertain me. With tons of references to the pseudoscientific Mesopotamian deities in his show, the show infers that the Annunaki are somehow the creators and caretakers of humanity. Funny how it’s neglected that they are also commonly revered as Reptilian overlords… which gets you into all kinds of even more wacky conspiracy theorists than Giorgio Tsoukalos. Yes, David Icke, I’m talking about you and your psychotropic, stoner ass.
Russian Mafia
Ok, so blame David Cronenberg, Viggo Mortensen and Naomi Watts. This is a fascinating and brutally harsh movie giving a serious insight into a world many of us can fathom. You thought that the American mafia of the 50s, 60s and 70s were tough… the even more secretive Russian mafioso makes Al Capone and crew look like a bunch of giant pussies. Go ahead and watch Taken while you’re at it to guarantee that you will never let a young, female family member ever travel by themselves anywhere ever again.
Quiet
It’s been a week since I last exchanged messages with her; a month since I last heard her voice. And, even now, I imagine everything we’ve ever exchanged and see her in every image that I view. She stole my heart years ago and it will remain with her always, even though we will never be together. I know she is the one for me, meant for me but that ‘we’ can never be.