Tag Archives: poop

It Has Nothing To Do With Homophobia…

…I just don’t want anyone talking to me while I’m trying to poop. It creeps me the fuck out.

When I enter that stall, I have entered the Cone Of Silence™ and conversation is not only a faux pas but it is a cardinal sin; morally reprehensible behavior that cannot be condoned.

Is it because I’m sitting there with my pants around my ankles and am basically half naked? And that I don’t want another dude talking to me while I’m half naked? No. It’s because pooping is a private activity that I don’t ever want another person to be privy to. Ever.

Great Jeffs In History

Jeff Daniels

Fast, effective relief.

What can you say about Jeff Daniels? Well, if you take what Wikipedia says about him, you could say:

He has had a thriving film career, from his debut in 1981 in Ragtime, through State of Play in 2009. For his film work, he has received three Golden Globe Award nominations, including as Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy/Musical for Woody Allen‘s The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985) (hence the name of his theatre company). He has also received nominations by the Screen Actors GuildSatellite Awards, and several for his work in The Squid and the Whale (London Critics Circle Awards, Independent Spirit Awards, Chlotrudis Awards and Gotham Awards).

However, what I would say about Jeff Daniels that makes him great is this scene from one of the greatest movies of all time, 1994’s Dumb and Dumber:

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwcVJMvVWDA]

“I’ll Be In My Office” (Life Achievement)

In hockey, there is the term ‘hat-trick’ which refers to a player scoring three goals in a single game. The origins of the word can be researched here: Hat-trick (Wikipedia).

Building off of the momentum of one of hockeys most celebrated feats of skill, a new term has arisen called the ‘shat-trick’, which of course refers to someone taking three shits in a single day. Gruesome to some, celebrated by others.

It would be me that would have to take the glory of the shat-trick, elevate its importance and then attribute a Life Achievement to it. So, I unveil the challenge:

I’ll Be In My Office

In order to complete this challenge, you must score a shat-trick in a single shift in your workplace.

And I’m not talking about going and sitting in a stall and squeezing off a few farts that echo off the tile… you have to be legitimately ‘conducting your business’ to complete this challenge.

And as a reward for completing this challenge, in true Modern Warfare 2 fashion, you unlock yourself a title:

For the shat-trick

...and I don't want to be disturbed!