Tag Archives: pie

It’s My Birthday, We’re Gonna Party

Yesterday was a milestone day in the New JeffLand Empire; it was my 35th birthday. This occasion happens only once per year so when it does, it’s generally celebrated as a momentous event by all of the citizens of the NJLE. Of course, we’re going to ignore the birthday debacle of 2008 where I spent my birthday alone on the sofa on a Friday night.

Anyway, my birthday was largely spent in relaxed comfort with the royal family in various locales. After the regular sports grind that goes along with weekends, we headed home for a couple of hours rest. Before we could get any festivities on the go, we would have to pick up the Duke.

It had been decided that we would go bowling for my birthday and when we got to the bowling alley, we discovered that there was an hour wait before we would be able to get a lane. Since we had additional things that I wanted to do, we figured it was ok.  We put our name down for a lane and headed out into the mall. I wanted to look at some puppies and, of course, no one had any objections so we went to the pet store located only a short walk from the bowling alley.

We are a dog family and loved oohing and ahhing the furry little pooches behind glass.  (Caveat: all dogs come second in cuteness to our own Sir Rufficus of Endor.) We wished we could take home one of the little gaffers but, alas, they are expensive and simply not in the JeffLand annual budget for 2010.

Justice Is A Dish Best Served Warm… With Ice Cream

Every nation needs to have a constitution and JeffLand is no exception. Without getting into the specifics of the NJLE constitution, there is a clause directed towards the theft and consumption of another man’s pie. It reads, and I quote:

No person shall […] be deprived of life, liberty, or pie, without due process of law; nor shall private pie be taken for public consumption, without just compensation.

Now, I bought an apple pie with the youngest Prince over the weekend and we consumed part of it; leaving the remainder of it for my own ‘personal’ use (and for those of you thinking of THAT pie scene in the movie American Pie… get your heads out of the #%$@ing gutter) during the coming work week.

Without naming names, someone consumed the last of my pie before I could even contemplate taking it to work with me.  He was even ballsy enough to do it right in front of me, necessitating me to take this picture as photographic evidence of this crime.

pie thief

Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Obviously, a crime like this cannot go unpunished.  And since my word is law and I am well within my rights, as King, to dole out a swift and merciless punishment against whomever I choose; let it be known from this day forth that the theft of Royal Pie shall be a capital offense, one punishable by death.

Now, whomever it was that ate the Royal Pie, should be lead to the gas chambers* and executed.  However, taking into account that the guilty person is a ginger… I’ve decided that it will be a far more harsh sentence to let the boy live than to put him out of his misery.  Judgment has been passed.

*Note: The NJLE gas chambers consist of having to sit in a confined space with me for two hours after I’ve eaten cabbage, beans and broccoli.