Has it really been so long since I posted here? I guess so.

There are many things that I think about during the course of this existence. The thoughts that linger, though, are the ones where I am reminded of how lonely this life is. I crave physical contact.

Of course, the easy go-to is sex. Fucking. Eating pussy or getting my cock sucked. But, really, I’m not overly horny. Plus, there is some associated pressure on getting a hard-on when the last few times I had sex (like over a year and a half ago) I couldn’t even maintain an erection. My wife simply does not excite me. Not even remotely.

The thing that I miss is simply body contact. Kissing. Holding hands. Companionship. Laughter.

My life has none of these things. I am married and I have no relationship with my spouse whatsoever nor do I want one. There is nothing about her that makes me want to spend time with her.

There’s nothing you can do to make yourself love someone. There isn’t anything conscious about attraction or desire.

So what do I do? I live for my kids. I give myself distractions. I drink.

I wait for the end to come.