Tag Archives: blogging

My Annual Blog Post

It’s mildly amusing to me and it also kind of makes me sad that it’s been over a year since I wrote here last.

I’ve got WordPress blogs sprinkled out all over the place, I think I’m up to 5 (?) and would love to just merge all of my content under one blog to rule them all… I’m contemplating it. The fact that I’ve got so many, plus… I’ve got the .XML files for the two past blogs that I had YEARS ago, I’ve got a ton of content that’s been pulled from the public. Maybe pool them all under one externally hosted site? It’s an idea.

Anyway, we’re living in the time of COVID-19 now. So much going on with every possible viewpoint on where it came from, how it’s affecting us, what our society should be doing to combat it, where we are heading… what our future looks like… there’s a lot of discussion.

The only thing that is certain to me when discussing the topic is that we, as a people, are divided… no… completely fragmented. It’s a fever pitch that we are at as a species and everyone’s general tolerance shrinks and shrinks as time passes.

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Deep Thinks On The Over-Plan

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Not every post here has to be a novel nor does it have to be Pulitzer-winning material. I need to remind myself of this… and frequently, it would seem. I start writing things and delete them because they aren’t thought out well or my writing is scatter-brained. 

It’s a chronic problem that I have, it’s my way of procrastinating. Instead of just doing it and letting the chips fall where they may, I analyze it and then over-analyze it until I’ve wasted sufficient time that the moment has passed. This problem doesn’t only apply to writing, I do it with a lot of things… come to think of it, I do it in many areas of my life where I’m afraid to take a step into a large or difficult task. I plan and analyze and often don’t get around to executing the plan and accomplishing that which I originally wanted to do. 

Why is this? Introspection on this matter leads me to wonder if it’s because I’m generally afraid to fail. 

Now, I think that a lot of people might just stop there when they’re getting introspective. But that ain’t me, as I’m telling you… I’m an over-analyzer. (And a procrastinator, don’t forget.) So I ask myself, ‘why am I afraid to fail or even produce something that is not good?’ [note that I never use the term ‘good’ because I feel that it’s over-used and ambiguous so to do it here is me trying to make progress] What is it about producing something in any form that is sub-standard that turns me off? 

Is it evidence that I am sub-standard? Is it proof that I am deeply flawed? Will people think of me differently by seeing the crappy fruits of my labor?

My feeling… my realization is that I have to accept that, regardless of what I do, my efforts are always going to be less than perfect in my own eyes and probably in the eyes of those around me. However, I am always doing and producing things that people see whether I am aware of it or not. I am always being judged and need to become comfortable with that. It’s my own imperfection that needs to drive me to be better and stronger rather than hinder or prevent me from moving forward and growing. 

Like that Featured Image up there… I took that photo on my iPhone and then edited it on my iPhone. It’s probably utter shite but it’s my utter shite. I’m just putting it out there and let it be what it is. 

Not perfect. Probably crap. But it’s mine. And I love it. 

Writing? Ain’t Nobody Got Time For That!

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It kind of feels like the traditional blog is dying out there on the Internet. With all of the social media formats out there… you are almost wasting your time by stringing together anything longer than 140 characters because most likely it’s not going to get read. 

I’m on a bunch of these social media sites; Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, SnapChat, Vine… just to name most the popular ones… and it feels like the attention span for content is getting shorter and shorter. Most likely, I’ve already lost half of you that might have started reading this post. 

It’s all become a popularity contest for who can get the most likes the fastest. Content? Fuck the content. Fuck the thought and fuck the integrity. Just give it a like. Maybe it will go viral and I’ll become Internet-famous. 

I fall into the trap too. Coming up with things to write about or sitting down to type my thoughts and feelings out can really be a lot of effort. And I don’t do it often enough. But when it comes down to writing a post here, it’s not about getting popular. It’s not about getting recognized. It’s not about going viral. It’s about getting my thoughts and feelings out and real. It’s about the process… the journey… and not the result or the destination. In the end, I’m writing for me and not for you. 

The End Is The Beginning Is The End

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Writing is hard.

Well, for me, I always try to write honestly and on a subject that I know something about; writing becomes hard when I’m trying to force it.

I have always believed that there is so much that can be learned about the present and the future by studying the past. It helps to know where you once were to understand where you should be going… where you need to be going. This is why I am doing this, writing about myself so that I can try to avoid making some of the same choices that got me to where I was.

From what I can remember; I used to spend a lot of time trying to forget… to ignore that a person even lived inside this skin. I drank a lot; I lived like escaping into the bottle was committing some kind of poetic, slow suicide. It was the most cowardly method and it seemed appropriate for a coward; a passive allowance with no heady commitment that comes with a firearm or a blade.

Are there a lot of insights that I can take away from what I can remember? I’m really not sure. I’ll keep writing and I guess we’ll see.

The process of addiction is generally a long one and rarely can one moment along that journey be identified as a watershed moment, changing every other moment that happens after it. In contrast, initiating the process of recovery is often the exact opposite. Often, one single moment will tip the balance toward recognition that there is a problem and that something needs to be done about it. Maybe it’s losing your job. Maybe it’s having your husband or wife leave you. Maybe it’s being arrested by the police. Maybe it’s suffering an overdose.

Right at this moment, I accept that when it comes to substance abuse, sometimes it doesn’t matter where you were. Sometimes, what matters is that you acknowledge that you can’t go back there ever again. It’s knowing that every minute of every hour of every day going forward is a battle. It’s choosing to be stronger than the you from before. It’s choosing to go to war against something that wants to destroy you.

Alas, I Am Alone

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For some reason, it feels more intimate to write a post on my phone than it does on my laptop. When I sit down at my laptop to write now, I feel like I need to write some kind of an epic post. Something either smart or funny or insightful… but not something sort of informal and off-the-cuff.

Stupid, I know.

I have a bizarre relationship with the written word write now when combined with public access and my own honesty. I got burned, so… once bitten, twice shy. And the bite changed me forever and stole something that I used to love so much. The ability to openly write without fear of repercussion.

Absence Makes The Heart Grow… Fonder?

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I have to apologize to all of my readers, or those that I even have left, for my absence on WordPress. It hasn’t been completely intentional that I’ve been away; I’m currently dealing with some health issues that are nearly cleared up. My creativity and sexuality has been nullified during this past month because of this problem but both are gradually returning.

One tends to take a simple thing like feeling normal for granted until you are sick for an extended period of time. I’m just lucky that my illness has coincided with the release of GTA V because that’s pretty much how I’ve been occupying my time.

The Real Danger of Drunk Blogging

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image

I’m a little afraid.

I was doing some drunk blogging over the weekend and accidentally spilled a beverage into the keyboard of my MacBook Pro. I reacted quicker than most drunk people might to try to dry the whole thing off, turn it off and set it up to dry au naturel.

Two days later, it refuses to even power up. Not a good sign.

I’m keeping my fingers crossed but let this be a lesson to the rest of you; do not drink and blog.

A Comment

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I posted a comment on rougedmount‘s post where she really revealed some intimate details of her life. She inspired me where I wrote:

In my youth when I first became sexual, I had a girlfriend who went out to see male strippers one night and proceeded to tell me that I had a small cock. She had nothing other than these male strippers to compare me to and have since learned that the size of my cock is decidedly average. However, I can’t even begin to tell you how devastating that was to me, as a man.

After that, I became a student of the pussy. I read voraciously about oral sex and was determined that if my cock was too small to pleasure a woman then my mouth and lips and tongue would overcome all of my other shortcomings.

And over the years, I have learned much and made many worn cum hard with my mouth and lips and tongue. However the scars that I carry with regard to being able to receive pleasure still remain.

Really, it is kind of a tangent from what she wrote but I felt that the power of her words inspired me in a way that I haven’t been inspired to write in a while. Depression has been my foe as of late and the first casualty of depression for me is creativity.