I Got A Tent… And Not In My Pants, Either!

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There comes a time in every man’s summer where he just needs to get the fuck out of town, go somewhere remote and live like a complete savage for a few days. Eating food cooked over an open fire that he built with his own hands (newspaper and lighter fluid optional), hiking to beautiful natural sights, getting some dirt under his fingernails and maybe, if he’s lucky, taking a shit in the woods.

Yes, I’m talking about camping.

And let me tell you, I’m way past due for a vacation. I’ve been slugging it out at work for about two years with very little extended vacation time taken. Getting iMessages from my friend and former colleague who left the company at the end of June and took all of July off (half of it in his hometown of Kelowna, British Columbia) isn’t helping soothe my itch to commune with nature. I mean, good for him but… hey, what about good for me?

I have a couple of days booked around a weekend in August in which to vacation with a campsite booked in the Western Alberta interior on the peninsula jutting into a lake. It’s actually more of a large reservoir created by the construction of a dam way back in the day but only time will tell if this was a huge mistake or not. Review will be pending.

Last year, we hit up Fish Lake campground on Shunda Lake near Nordegg in September and, if it wouldn’t have been so fucking cold at night… the whole trip would have been glorious. Plus, the dog loved it. We’ll see how this new spot compares.

A Lost Written Address

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I recognize that this is a terrible bit of prose however it is a part of me growing up.

From 1995:

Now I shall speak simply

And hope you can hear my call.

It’s from within that I reach

To speak of an emotion that has long since been dormant.

Understanding an origin is of no consequence now

My heart now is a speeding train

And nothing can stop it.

So here we are. 

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In Canada, it’s the Victoria Day long weekend. Today is Sunday and I’m on my back yard deck getting shitcanned in the sun because… well, I can. 

A lot of people opt to camp on the May long weekend. Particularly in Canada… this is our first decent opportunity to escape the bonds of winter and really live it up. Granted, it’s not a California summer here yet but we Canadians are an exuberant group and want to celebrate (nicely) whenever we can. 

Even when the lakes and the night might be cold enough to make your testicles retract into your body in ways you haven’t known in 20+ years. We are still out there. Because we love to party and enjoy the weather. 

However, I am not camping. Obviously. I just said so…. weren’t you paying attention? Anyway, I am looking to book campsites for the upcoming season to camp on because spots fill up fast. 

I long to escape from this existence. 

No Safety Anywhere

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Last night, my friends and next door neighbours were victims of a violent home invasion last night. They are your average married couple with four young children and were enjoying a quiet night at home. Mr A was outside having a cigar and a vehicle drove up onto their back parking pad and started to try and make their way into the yard. He tried to prevent them from entering which is where I’d assume he got the butt of a gun to the face. They kicked the back door of the house in, dragged Mr A inside and then proceeded to beat the shit out of him in front of Mrs A who was holding their baby. 

One of the most unfortunate parts of this is that this was a total case of mistaken identity. They were looking for drugs, thinking the A’s house was a drug house. What the police told us was that this may have been a gang type drug attack. Rather than go and buy their drugs to sell, sometimes these jackasses will raid another known drug house and steal the drugs. Obviously, these guys were dumber than shit and took a wrong turn somewhere thinking that this house was a drug house.

Luckily (or unluckily in a way) their two year old daughter walked down the stairs to the living room where the A’s were being assaulted and it was then that these fucking douchebags finally realize they have the wrong house. So they bail out of the house, jump in their vehicle and screw off. If she hadn’t come down, who knows what would have happened. The A’s could be dead right now.

Mr A was a bloody mess and taken away by ambulance to the hospital. Mrs A had dropped their four children off with me and my two sons to keep them occupied and cared. It’s honestly been years since I’ve held a baby. But in the meantime, family members were showing up to our house and the non-stop parade of police officers through my house asking questions of Mrs A about the events of the evening. My boys were a big help though.

The grandparents showed up and took the four kids home with them at 2:00 am so I had a chance to go and look for their dog who was scared out of the house when these thugs kicked the door in. I was out walking all of the paths and popular dog spots that I know of in our neighbourhood but didn’t have any luck. I was out for over an hour and lost my shoes in some mud which forced me to walk home with mud covered bare feet on rock covered road for about 5 blocks. I felt like a hobbit but I got off lucky in comparison. Anyway, as of now, she still remains missing.

I made my way home to shut the back door of their house, the forensic team was done and the police needed to make sure the house was secure before leaving the scene. I grabbed my drill and toolbox and screwed a 2×4 over the door and busted up door frame to close the door solidly. When I stepped downstairs into the living room, I was stunned. The floor in their living room was smeared with his blood all over. Mr A lost a lot of blood and it was everywhere; smeared over a big area, with pools of blood here and there, blood spatters on the wall, on the sofa, all over the kid’s toys.

Mr A is afraid to see his kids and scare them with his condition. He took over 100 stitches to his head and face to close up the wounds and I’m sure he had a lot of scratches and extensive bruising. I haven’t seen him yet either. But the kids are worried about him so I’m sure they will be together very soon and start to heal as a family. Our household will do everything we can to support them too.

Living On The Edge

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I feel like I should write something right now. There is almost so much going on (and most of it is shitty) that I don’t know where to start. 

Sadly, a lot of it is work related. My employer is laying people off like mad right now and has been for three months now with no defined end in sight. No one really knows who will be next, when will they stop, what the end game is. Everyone is on edge and morale is in the toilet… swirling, swirling, swirling away. 

The reality is that the majority of companies that have to layoff a significant portion of their employees don’t do it this way. If they have to layoff 200 people, they do it all at once. One day. It’s like tearing off a band-aid; quick pain but then it’s ok after that. The people that are left can just get on with their lives and jobs. 

In Alberta, Canada however, if you lay off 50 people or more in a month, you have to report it to the provincial government and it becomes publicly very messy. Maybe it’s like this elsewhere, I’m not sure. The law surrounding corporate layoffs isn’t my forte. 

Anyway, it’s basically been 150 people laid off so far? I haven’t been keeping a running tally, I’ll leave that to the wraiths in HR. Our office has downsized even further by opting to transfer people to other offices too work on other projects to keep from having to lay them off. And there has been some attrition from the older folks in the office saying, “fuck this shit” and deciding to retire. Also, some (not many) have found employment elsewhere and just quit. 

One might say, “Why don’t more people do that? Who needs to go through the agony of long-term protracted layoffs?” 

I’ll tell you a little story about our friend, Mr. West Texas Intermediate and how sad he is because his price on the open market is very low. The industry I work in and the entire local economy revolves around Mr. WTI and when his price is low, end user companIes lose their minds and throw the emergency brake on all spending. Have you hear the phrase, “shit rolls downhill?” Yeah, me and the company I work for? We’re downhill. Me and every other Joe Shmoe who works for a company below the end user. So there are not many jobs left to jump to and the competition is strong for the few jobs that are left.

I have no idea if I’ll have a job at the end of the day tomorrow or next week or the week after that. Frankly, I can’t even look that far into the future. I’m taking it as fact that I’m going to be laid off and that it’s just a matter of time.

Age Before Beauty

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It was around 3-4 weeks ago that I had a mishap at home that resulted in me breaking three ribs. Very, very painful… second worst pain I’ve ever felt after kidney stones. However, I’ve been taking it easy… following doctors orders (for the most part) by not lifting anything or being too aggressive in activity using my torso for stuff. Bottom line; I’m healing up.

I drove into work yesterday morning and arrived at the same time as James, a 71 year old fella who works in my department. It snowed overnight and no one has shovelled the stairs and concrete pad yet.

As I’m walking up, James busts out the snow shovel from just inside the door and starts shovelling his ass off.

Now, I can’t walk past and let a 71 year old man clear snow from the whole works by himself when I’m a solid 39 years of age. So I grabbed a second shovel and cleared the majority of the area so that he wouldn’t have to do much. However, with my ribs in this state… I’m paying for it now. Hello Advil and beer. I’d do the Tylenol 3’s but I can make do otherwise. I think.

Dude. That ain’t right.

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Holy crap.

I’m realizing that I haven’t updated the Official NJLE™ website in over SIX MONTHS. Wow, that’s my epic failure. It’s kind of bizarre how much things can change in such a relatively short (or relatively long, depending on your perspective) period of time.

The NJLE has always been kind of sliding by; on the brink of both wild success and brutal failure. However, in the past couple of months… it’s become glaringly obvious that belts are going to have to be tightened and things are going to have to change up in this bitch. See, everything in this place… surrounding us, in Canada? So much of it is affected by the price of oil. The whole world is affected. But here’s the trend:

In the past year, the price of oil has dropped off to a staggeringly low price that affects the entire world.

In the past year, the price of oil has dropped off to a staggeringly low price that affects the entire world.

Anyway, the main source of income for the NJLE is related to the price of oil. “On the outside” your highness is an engineering desk jockey for a company servicing the oil and gas sector. With this downturn, the NJLE GDP is taking a forced 10% hack-and-slash and a deep, deep round of layoffs that’s going on at my place of employ as a reaction to the global economy.

So, I have to look at my options. I think I’m relatively ok for the next month or two from a layoff perspective…. maybe. After that? All bets are off. I’m looking at possible opportunities elsewhere however, given that layoffs are rampant in my industry right now, I think it’s unlikely that I’ll find something after I get punted. So… I’ll have my five figure layoff payout. Low five figures, let’s be clear. Very low.

And then? If I don’t find another job? It’s EI for yours truly… and that’s something that I know very little about at this point. It’s terrifying to me to not have a job. To not be able to provide.

Terrifying.

Anyway, the future is not known to me. Maybe shit will turn itself out just fine. Maybe not. I am not Nostradamus of some wizened prognosticator. I’m clinging on to this moment, taking life day to day. Because that’s all I can do right now.