Day 40 of sobriety has passed, uneventfully. It’s 9:30pm and I’m so exhausted that I can barely keep my eyes open.
I wish I could write more.
Crashed
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Via the Health App on my iPhone
I discovered this and was like, “Wow, that’s damned accurate! Good job Apple!”
A Tech-Nerd Nightmare
I’m writing this post on my iPhone 6. I bought the 6 unlocked from Apple around a year ago because I had just received a large tax refund from Revenue Canada and I was sick of being locked into one carrier and being told when I would be ‘eligible for an upgrade’ to a new device.
Since the iPhone 6S was released, I’ve been contemplating privately selling this phone and upgrading to an unlocked version of the new model. I figure that it’s probably the best way to get maximum value I can for this device.
This morning, I was using these thoughts as inspiration for the tech horror-show nightmare I woke from. I had either sold this device or traded it in favor of acquiring some kind of new unnamed Apple device (which was about the size a larger paperback novel) and the ‘new’ Apple Hat.
Yes, you read that right. The Apple Hat.
The imaginary ‘Apple Hat’ was a brilliantly bright white hat that somehow wirelessly connected to the archaic, paperback-sized device to function. It looked very much like a stitched baseball cap but with the same brilliantly bright white ear flaps hanging down like a trapper hat. Think of a hip version of the Hoth Rebel Trooper thermal cap from The Empire Strikes Back. Yeah. That is the Apple Hat.
Needless to say, I woke from this nightmare so quickly that my brain couldn’t conjure up some kind of techy functionality for this wearable. I got out of bed so that I wouldn’t fall asleep again and return to the dream.
Take Not My Software, Ye Douchebags From Hell
March Of The IT Professionals
I was out of the office on Short Term Disability for four weeks, as previously written. Because of the way I left the office, my computer was left untouched and would fall into a sleep/standby mode for most of those four weeks.
At some point during those four weeks, corporate-level IT harvested the license for my version of Adobe Professional. Unbeknownst to me at the time of my return, Adobe Professional was removed from my machine during one of the two Windows updates that were installed.
I should have seen it coming. Once a year, I get an email from some remote, corporate-level IT dickhead in like fucking Guadalajara asking me if I *REALLY* need Adobe Professional because they want to harvest my license and save some money. Every time I get one of these emails, I respond that I *DO* need it and that it’s integral to execution of my work.
Buuuuut… I guess they decided to ignore me this time.
I re-requested access to be able to download Adobe Professional via the usual software management system, a request that was automatically granted. The software management system is supposed to auto-update to show that I can now install the program however… it doesn’t and still hasn’t.
Technology is just fucking great when it works. The rest of the time? It’s a complete bite in the ass.
Oilers Beat Sharks 4-3 in OT
But check out this filthy backhand goal scored by Jordan Eberle:
Hunt & Peck Post
It’s been a long week… and it’s only Wednesday.
Even though I’m trying to work reduced hours to keep myself from aggravating my shoulder as well as getting too tired, I’m not doing a very good job. My whole arm is aching and, because this brace is supporting the dead weight of my left arm, my upper back is feeling it. I’m guessing that this is what a woman with large breasts deals with on a daily basis.
I’m also completely exhausted by the time I’m leaving despite it being an early quitting time. I’m mentally exhausted, I can’t remember things and I generally am lacking in energy. I mean, I forgot my wallet on my desk when I left. Duh.
But… I digress.
I keep thinking that this ‘quitting drinking’ thing should be harder. Not that I’m complaining, mind you. But there is this part of me that wonders if I’m really an addict? I definitely have a substance abuse problem. Of that fact, I have no doubt… I’m a binge drinker. Addicted? I feel unconvinced right now.
BUT.
With all of that being said, the Self-Evaluation & Support workshop I participated in has taught me the stages of recovery. The “questioning of addiction” definitely falls into the list of problems one might experience somewhere along the line. (Granted, this typically falls into the 121-180 days ‘Adjustment’ time period and I’m only on Day 31 but whatever.)
At 31 days, I’m smack-dab in the middle of the ‘Honeymoon’ stage (15-45 days). Common problems that folks in recovery experience include:
- Reduced craving
- Have energy but little stability
- Scattered activity
- Short attention span
- Unrealistic confidence in their recovery
So maybe I’m displaying that last one more than anything, I can’t say for sure. I think writing about it helps me regardless. And I really mean it because I wrote this whole fucking post typing with one finger. Ugh.
Back To The Grind
Today was my second day back at work; my first day back in the office was so tiring that I ended up in bed at 8:30 pm and I was only there for about 6 ½ hours.
It was very mentally stimulating though because I was asked many, many, many times what happened and how I’m doing etc. Being ‘on‘ and engaging was mentally tiring and then traveling to the clinic to find out the results of my MRI didn’t do me any favours either.
The good news of the day yesterday was that surgery on my shoulder is not required. Two more weeks of wearing this brace and then 2+ months of physiotherapy and I’ll be tip-top. My rotator cuff was not torn and the bone fracture in my socket (I don’t know the technical term of where the fracture is) apparently looks like it hasn’t changed or grown larger and should heal on its own.
Today, I started doing a lot more work. I should maybe be a lot more tired than I am but I think that, in a way, the work was less stressful and helped me to be ‘off‘ a little. I am also re-learning my job since I was relatively new to the position before having my seizure and was then on Short Term Disability for a month.
My biggest point of contention is that I’m now a one-handed typist. Specifically, a one-finger typist and I was a relatively adept typist with two hands. Now, I’m ridiculously slow and it pisses me off.
Both yesterday and today were challenging though. I wanted a drink at the end of the day… not a real hardcore craving but just the feeling that a drink would be nice to relax. Regardless, the feeling was fleeting and I maintained my sobriety. It’s been 30 days since my last drink and I’m feeling proud of that and it’s something I want to maintain.
This is reading to be a very short, disjointed collection of anecdotes rather than some kind of proper blog posting. I think this is a signal that I’m maybe more tired than I thought. Time for me to close this off before I crater completely.
28 Days Later
So I’ve officially been sober for 28 days. I mean, I’m less than an hour away from a full-on technical 28 days but I’m not one to quibble about it at this point. Unless some booze deity appears from the netherworld and starts funnelling alcohol into my gullet before midnight… I think I’m pretty safe.
I will be returning to work tomorrow. I’m not looking forward to all of the questions and everything that happened the last time everyone saw me when I was a seizing disaster. But it is what it is, my crew is pretty tight and they were all legitimately concerned for me. So it will all be good; basically, I won’t be getting anything done tomorrow and that’s an ok way to ease back into it. Plus, I’m approved to return on reduced hours if need be.
My biggest concern is that this will be the first real test of my sobriety. I feel strong now and haven’t been challenged too much. Once work stress enters the picture, will that make a difference? Will my resolve hold? I haven’t done all of my homework that I should have but I feel like I have it together.
Also, I’m looking forward to finding out that the results of my MRI tomorrow. I would love to never have to wear this massive brace ever again. If it’s surgery, that dream is gone.
Anyway, I bid you good evening. And I apologize for luring you in with the false hopes of zombies. Had to be done.