Resolutions For Life

Something that I’ve learned about the topic of resolutions/resolving to change yourself is a  thing that I already knew and understood but couldn’t truly appreciate until going through this past couple of months. With many people making all kinds of New Year’s resolutions, there is a reason why most of them fail.

By virtue of timing, waiting until one specific day for resolving to change, there is a lack of long-term commitment to the change. But the question is ‘why is there a lack of commitment?’

It’s a matter of really wanting the change… owning the change. During the course of our lives, when we recognize a behaviour we have that needs to change, it can be difficult to put priority on it. Odds are, it’s something that we like/enjoy doing but also has a negative aspect to it that detracts from that enjoyment. There is a feeling that we should change our behaviour to eliminate this negative aspect however we don’t really want to change. As a result, the resolution is a half-hearted effort.

This notion that we should change is often due to external pressure placed upon us. Ownership requires internal pressure to affect long-lasting change and is often what’s lacking in a New Year’s resolution.

Now, when you are talking about substance abuse and addiction… things get a little more complicated in the process of committing to change. Ok, they get a lot more complicated but without a personal commitment and ownership to sobriety, the rate of success drops to nearly zero.

I’m not an expert on addiction or sobriety but I do know that you have to really want it in order to stay sober.

25 Times Barney Was Our Favorite Simpsons Character

Given Barney’s nature as an alcoholic, I’m not sure if posting this is in poor taste or if it’s just effectively me poking fun at myself. Rather than dwell on it too long, I’ll just post it and let the chips fall where they may. 

Barney Gumble; the working man’s anti-hero.

Enjoy.

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

– John Milton, Paradise Lost

My Top Ten Songs

I’ve been using the site Last.fm to track my listening habits since April of 2004. While my current username has mostly been scrobbling tracks since November of 2009, I never really finished scrobbling to my old username until June of 2011.

Since opening the account associated with my current username, below are my top ten most played songs; links open the track in Spotify.

  1. Billy Talent – Saint Veronika (35 plays)
  2. Metallica – …And Justice For All* (27 plays)
  3. Billy Talent – Viking Death March (27 plays)
  4. Alter Bridge – Blackbird (26 plays)
  5. Slipknot – Dead Memories (25 plays)
  6. Muse – Supremacy (25 plays)
  7. Muse – Hysteria (24 plays)
  8. Billy Talent – The Dead Can’t Testify (24 plays)
  9. Muse – Follow Me (24 plays)
  10. Thom Yorke – And It Rained All Night (22 plays)

* This song is artificially elevated to #2 status as it would appear at the top of my library and start playing by default on my Android phone… which I experimented with for almost a year. My #11 is Alice In Chains – Would? and should actually be my #10 song.

7 x 7 = 49

I made it through Christmas Day dinner unscathed. It was a family dinner with a dozen other people, the majority of them indulging in alcohol at some point in the evening. 

There was the fridge full of beer, the bottles of wine on the table during dinner, the after-dinner licquers… all of which I had partaken of last year. This year, I would not. 

It wasn’t even all that tempting; I didn’t have any craving for the alcohol around me. It was really more socially awkward for some people than anything else. Others didn’t bat an eye about it. There were plenty of soft drinks and bottled water available and even more great food!

My oldest son would pour himself a can of Guinness which mesmerized me for a moment but only because it’s visually stimulating to watch the frothy stout slug out of an upside down can and then settle out. And the lighting of the Drambuie-soaked plum pudding caught everyone’s attention. 

I don’t know the scientific explanation, but fire made it good.

I made it until 9:30 and then left to bring my oldest son and his girlfriend home to spend some time in my chair with my journal before retiring for the evening. 

Today is Day 49.

The Written Word

I haven’t written anything since the 20th, Day 43. Between this place and my handwritten journal, I haven’t connected with myself in over 3 days. I actually had to write it out to figure out what Day it is.

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Skullmuggery

Hey, I am still working on getting through my first cup of coffee so fuck off. LOL

Anyway, I’ve been dealing with the effects of a flu for the past few days which has not made me overly introspective. At the same time, I started physiotherapy for my shoulder and the exercises are pretty tough; my shoulder and my entire back are a complete mess after doing them. Add the muscle pain and joint ache associated with the flu and… well… I’ve been in a particular little slice of Hell for the past few days.

Well, it’s Christmas-fucking-Eve. December 24th. Despite the fact that I haven’t spent a penny on alcohol, my bank account is still running on empty.

I’ve funnelled all of my limited resources into this friggin’ holiday… and so soon after returning to work. My last paycheck was about ¾ of what it normally would have been since I was on short-term disability leave but with all of the same expenses. I had to get another damn payday loan to buy gifts after all that.

I hate payday loans.

Having spent what I have, I have nothing left until New Years Eve. There isn’t a lot of food in the house and I’m all out of painkillers for my shoulder. But at least I’m almost out of the woods with this flu.

All of this sounds a bit “bah humbug” doesn’t it? Really, I’m not that cranky. I’ll make it through. It’s Christmas time and I’m relaxing right now. I don’t really have anywhere I need to be and having nothing that I really need to do right now. I have as much wrapping done as I can do right now and I have a bowl of Mac N’ Cheese in me guttyworks. It could always be worse.

Merry Christmas, everyone.