Category Archives: The Royal Family

Updates and topics that inherently involve members of the royal family.

I, Alone

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The King is ‘holding the fort’ on his own this week. The rest of the royal family went on a bit of a road trip to the Canadian west coast to visit the Duchess in Vancouver; making this the first re-union since she migrated west from the NJLE.

I’d liked to have been able to go.  However, in the past six months, all of those little things that go along with being King necessitated me taking an hour off here, a half a day there and before you know it… I’ve burned through all of my vacation time that I’d earned manning the helm of industry.  What can I say?  I’ve nickel and dimed myself out of a summer vacation.

Corona & Lime

Down the hatch...

So what am I to do for the next week?  Judging from the picture to the left, I’m going to have a bevy or two.  I’m going to relax.  I’m going to lounge around in the royal chambers absolutely buck naked.  I’m going to save my farts in a jar.  You know, the kind of the things that all of the royals do when they are unsupervised.

To be truthful, I’ve got a few things that I’d like to get done around the kingdom over the next couple of days.  Exactly what those things are, well… I’m not going to give it up here.  In reality, there’s a lot depending on what the weather is going to be like; weather that has been nothing but infinitely sucktastic since the royal fam left yesterday morning.

I guess there is a lot that can go on in the next week in the New JeffLand Empire… I’ll have to post some updates to make sure that everyone is on the same page.

Camp

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It’s early Friday morning at the Prince of Stanley’s year end school trip. Ok, it isn’t that early… it’s 7:49 and on a normal working Friday, I’d already have my nose hard to the grindstone.

Yesterday was filled with horseback riding, lean-to building and ziplining out in the woods. Today, it’s canoeing and archery before I let the Prince hit the souvenir shop and we jump on the bus back to civilization.

(It just hit me now but how cool would it have been to combine the horseback riding with the archery? There’s probably a policy somewhere about letting anyone shoot potentially lethal projectiles from the back of a large animal in mid-run. Pity.)

I’ve really had no connection out here, save for the times that I’ve been in the open field nearby. In fact, I’m writing this post in Evernote so that I can put it up later when we get back to E-ville. So, I’ve been in withdrawal a bit… I guess I can blame Rogers for that.

Right now, I’m going to go and wake up a half-full bunk of sleeping boys and get them up-and-at-’em before they ring the breakfast bell. I’m just praying for coffee at this point. Mmm… coffee.

The Million Dollar Favor

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The Queen’s work schedule tends to be a bit spotty, with her working two part time jobs. On Monday and Tuesday, she works a retail job and on Friday night and Saturday night she is a waitress at a local restaurant. As such, Tuesday becomes her Friday and she will sometimes cut loose and consume a few barley pops.

Unfortunately, her Saturday morning is the rest of the world’s Wednesday morning and life generally goes on. The Queen’s alcohol tolerance isn’t really called into question however the aftermath of her having even a couple of drinks is usually nothing less than utter devastation for her. To say that she’s hungover and in rough shape is understating the obvious.

Anyway, yesterday proved to be an exceptionally suckish day for the Queen and she was raring to cut loose. Last night, she cut loose and consumed a few drinks before deciding to check out the nightlife with the Queen of JeffLand’s neighbouring country to the east, Abramistan.  This could only mean one thing: shit was gonna get ugly.

The Queen stumbled into the palace somewhere between 3:00 am and 4:00 am, completely annihilated.  I have no idea how much she had to drink but I can tell you that she could have been swimming around in a swimming pool full of beer and I wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference.

So, naturally, when 7:30 am rolled around and the Princes needed to rise for school… she was in no condition to be conscious, never mind getting behind the wheel of a motor vehicle to drive our progeny to their school.

Money Stack

Scrooge McDuck would be proud


After spending some quality time with the royal throne, she stumbled out of the throne room and said:

I’ll pay you a million dollars to drive the kids to school.

Luckily, I had booked the morning off from work to take the NJLE conveyance in for a repair estimate.  The timing was such that I could drop the boys off, pick up a coffee and make it to the body shop with plenty of time to spare.  Plus… a million dollars?  Damn straight.

The transfer of her million dollars from her personal account to the New JeffLand Empire’s coffers went pretty smoothly and the transaction was complete.  Granted, the Jeffback isn’t recognized as legal tender anywhere else in the world and can’t be benchmarked against any other international currency but a million dollars is a million dollars.  Bottom line.

So I drove the boys to school, got the coffee that I so desperately needed and went to get the estimate done.   As it turns out, it’s going to cost about $7,600 to fix my car.  Conveniently, I just came into a cool million dollars to pay for it.  And the auto body shop?  They can keep the change.

A Royal Pain In The Ass

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For the love of the game

For the love of the game

As King, I have a responsibility to the people of JeffLand. This becomes fully realized to me on the weekends when the recreational activities of the Royal Family happen. There is a lot of driving involved and many trips to various sporting facilities surrounding this great nation. (That nation being JeffLand, of course.)

For the most part, the enjoyment that I take away from watching the Duke and the two Princes play the sports that they love is worth the effort and the schedule stress. That is, unless something goes drastically wrong or, even worse, they complain about it.

Such is the case this morning.

I enrolled the eldest Prince in a power-skating class to help boost his skating abilities on-ice since this is his first year in hockey. They focus on skating (obviously) and try to develop each player’s skating technique and skill through various types of drills and repetition. They take their helmet, gloves and stick so that they can get the feel of doing it all with a stick like it were a hockey situation… so I thought that having his stick and gloves would make it more enjoyable.

I couldn’t have been more wrong.

Every Saturday morning is greeted with a groan and a frown and a pout when I tell him to get ready for power-skating. He doesn’t like it. Actually, he fucking hates it. Even when I mention power-skating, I’m greeted with a heavy sigh and an eye roll.

Like a root canal but more painful

Like a root canal but more painful

He’s told me that he’d rather go to school than go to power-skating, although that’s likely a huge exaggeration. That being said, I think he’d rather watch an eight hour Hannah Montana marathon than go and work on his skating.

I don’t understand it, though. He’s so much more different in that regard than I was at his age. Any chance I had to get on the ice and practice or learn better techniques on skating or shooting or anything that would give me an edge… I was on it. The Prince? He thinks he knows it all and doesn’t want anyone showing him or teaching him… he’s got a huge chip on his shoulder. Like his way isn’t right or something.

Anyway, all he does is complain about it. I thought he would understand but, clearly, he doesn’t… nor does he appreciate the efforts I’ve made to get him into it and to take him there. So I’m torn about doing any camps for him over the summer. I want to keep him skating so he doesn’t lose the momentum in the off-season but he’s expressed a definite opinion that he does NOT want to be in another power-skating class. I’ll look into a hockey camp for him but those are filling up quickly and I might be too late already.

But, I got thinking this morning as I was freezing my ass off watching him skate and “dread” it. I’ve stopped having a life of my own. My life has become making sure that everyone else has a life and is having fun. Everything in between that… ends up being me killing time until the next thing I have to chauffeur the Royal Family to. And no matter what I do… someone has got to whine about something. It gets quite tiring and leaves a King feeling quite unappreciated.