Category Archives: Addiction

What I Learned Not Drinking For Two Years

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I came across this fantastic post on Medium.com during the Christmas/New Year’s break; I don’t recall how I got there but it struck a chord in me so I saved the link in my drafts to share in the near future.

The article is written two years after author, Andy Boyle, quit drinking and summarizes some of his learnings and successed he’s achieved during that time.

Here’s a short list of what I’ve accomplished since I stopped drinking two years ago:

  • Lost 75 pounds
  • Bought a bad-ass loft condo
  • Finished a first draft of an advice book
  • Started exercising three days a week, then four
  • Went from a size XXL to size Large
  • Performed in three comedy festivals
  • Got a badass new job at Breaking News (download our apps!)
  • Finished multiple drafts of multiple television and movie scripts
  • Went from 42-inch waist to 36-inch
  • Went from hating myself daily to relatively enjoying myself

A lot of this is what I externally accomplished, what I can show on paper. But I think that last one is the most important.

I’ve learned a lot in two years, so I thought I’d share that with you, in case you’d like to take a break from the booze cruise. Also, that’s what I tell myself: I’ve taken a break. Maybe I’ll drink again. Maybe I won’t.

But overall, life seems to be a shitload better for me because I took a break. Perhaps it could be for you, too.

From this excerpt, Andy goes on to listing the top nine things that he’s learned in the past two years during his journey. I recommend clicking on through the link below to reading the full article; he writes about some of the absolutely positive lessons one can re-learn about life through sobriety.

What I learned not drinking for two years by Andy Boyle

Resolutions For Life

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Something that I’ve learned about the topic of resolutions/resolving to change yourself is a  thing that I already knew and understood but couldn’t truly appreciate until going through this past couple of months. With many people making all kinds of New Year’s resolutions, there is a reason why most of them fail.

By virtue of timing, waiting until one specific day for resolving to change, there is a lack of long-term commitment to the change. But the question is ‘why is there a lack of commitment?’

It’s a matter of really wanting the change… owning the change. During the course of our lives, when we recognize a behaviour we have that needs to change, it can be difficult to put priority on it. Odds are, it’s something that we like/enjoy doing but also has a negative aspect to it that detracts from that enjoyment. There is a feeling that we should change our behaviour to eliminate this negative aspect however we don’t really want to change. As a result, the resolution is a half-hearted effort.

This notion that we should change is often due to external pressure placed upon us. Ownership requires internal pressure to affect long-lasting change and is often what’s lacking in a New Year’s resolution.

Now, when you are talking about substance abuse and addiction… things get a little more complicated in the process of committing to change. Ok, they get a lot more complicated but without a personal commitment and ownership to sobriety, the rate of success drops to nearly zero.

I’m not an expert on addiction or sobriety but I do know that you have to really want it in order to stay sober.

25 Times Barney Was Our Favorite Simpsons Character

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Given Barney’s nature as an alcoholic, I’m not sure if posting this is in poor taste or if it’s just effectively me poking fun at myself. Rather than dwell on it too long, I’ll just post it and let the chips fall where they may. 

Barney Gumble; the working man’s anti-hero.

Enjoy.

The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.

– John Milton, Paradise Lost

7 x 7 = 49

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I made it through Christmas Day dinner unscathed. It was a family dinner with a dozen other people, the majority of them indulging in alcohol at some point in the evening. 

There was the fridge full of beer, the bottles of wine on the table during dinner, the after-dinner licquers… all of which I had partaken of last year. This year, I would not. 

It wasn’t even all that tempting; I didn’t have any craving for the alcohol around me. It was really more socially awkward for some people than anything else. Others didn’t bat an eye about it. There were plenty of soft drinks and bottled water available and even more great food!

My oldest son would pour himself a can of Guinness which mesmerized me for a moment but only because it’s visually stimulating to watch the frothy stout slug out of an upside down can and then settle out. And the lighting of the Drambuie-soaked plum pudding caught everyone’s attention. 

I don’t know the scientific explanation, but fire made it good.

I made it until 9:30 and then left to bring my oldest son and his girlfriend home to spend some time in my chair with my journal before retiring for the evening. 

Today is Day 49.

The End Is The Beginning Is The End

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Writing is hard.

Well, for me, I always try to write honestly and on a subject that I know something about; writing becomes hard when I’m trying to force it.

I have always believed that there is so much that can be learned about the present and the future by studying the past. It helps to know where you once were to understand where you should be going… where you need to be going. This is why I am doing this, writing about myself so that I can try to avoid making some of the same choices that got me to where I was.

From what I can remember; I used to spend a lot of time trying to forget… to ignore that a person even lived inside this skin. I drank a lot; I lived like escaping into the bottle was committing some kind of poetic, slow suicide. It was the most cowardly method and it seemed appropriate for a coward; a passive allowance with no heady commitment that comes with a firearm or a blade.

Are there a lot of insights that I can take away from what I can remember? I’m really not sure. I’ll keep writing and I guess we’ll see.

The process of addiction is generally a long one and rarely can one moment along that journey be identified as a watershed moment, changing every other moment that happens after it. In contrast, initiating the process of recovery is often the exact opposite. Often, one single moment will tip the balance toward recognition that there is a problem and that something needs to be done about it. Maybe it’s losing your job. Maybe it’s having your husband or wife leave you. Maybe it’s being arrested by the police. Maybe it’s suffering an overdose.

Right at this moment, I accept that when it comes to substance abuse, sometimes it doesn’t matter where you were. Sometimes, what matters is that you acknowledge that you can’t go back there ever again. It’s knowing that every minute of every hour of every day going forward is a battle. It’s choosing to be stronger than the you from before. It’s choosing to go to war against something that wants to destroy you.

Day 40 rerun

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On Wednesday, I was trying to find an image of the number 40 that I would find suitable for yesterday’s Day 40 post. I didn’t have any grand ideas for the post… 40 is just a nice round number to comment on.

After entering ’40 days’ into Google, the search results came in with an unusually heavy weighting in Christianity and the bible. I’m not religious but this caught my interest. What is the significance of the number 40 in the bible?

It seems that there are many biblical stories where God would test man with various trials and, often, the duration of these trials were… 40 days. Weird. I didn’t look into thoughts or theories on why this was; I only have so much tolerance for preaching and every website had just too much preaching for me. I did take note of the biblical stories in question and, unfortunately, none of these trials would have starred Charleton Heston or involved Jesus riding a raptor. Sorry.

I’m not making any religious parallels here. Unless there’s a parallel that involves Nic Cage… then, why the hell not? 40 days… it’s just an interesting coincidence.

But, yeah, yesterday was my 40th day of sobriety and, holy fuck, it was boring. I had text messaged a friend earlier in the day saying, “I don’t need a drink but I could really go for a beer right now.” It wasn’t like I was going to actually have a beer but it was just one of those days where I was needing to unwind. A beer was just my old familiar way to unwind. Instead, I relaxed in my chair after work, watched some hockey on TV and ended up in bed around 9:30 pm out of pure exhaustion. That’s kind of been my modus operandi lately. Chillaxing.