Author Archives: El Jefe

Money (And Clean Laundry) Make The World Go 'Round

Not that anyone would have noticed but the site was down last week. The JeffLand Treasury has been trying hard to keep the books balanced and make sure all of the bills get paid but, sometimes, one slips through the cracks. This time, it was the friendly folks over at 1 and 1 and they had to cut us off.

We’re back up and running now, obviously. A few payment method changes and we’re all friends again. What can I say? The “global economic crisis” has hit everyone.

Thinking of currency, I had a moment the other day with the Duke of Ginger that prompted me to ponder some of the more informal currency that is traded in JeffLand. One of those currencies is paired socks.

Yes, you read that right. Paired socks.

I don’t know what is going on down at the Royal Laundromat; I often see clean, unmatched socks just hanging around. Stragglers, I suppose. It isn’t for a lack of socks, that’s for sure. There can sometimes be random baskets of socks laying is obscure places. There seems to be a reluctance to spend the time to pair them and I think that, generally, the turnover of dirty socks to clean socks happens in batches rather than a few at a time which may aid in the backlog. Also, single unmatched socks get lost in the stacks of folded and undistributed laundry that piles up at the Laundromat.

Regardless of the reason, those bastards down at the Royal Laundry are lucky they’re unionized… otherwise I’d turf their asses so quickly it would make their heads spin. Let’s get real here… I wasn’t always King. I’ve paired a few socks in my time and, while I know it isn’t a glamorous or enjoyable job, it does have its place. Especially in a northern climate like this; you can’t leave the house without socks.

However, there is hope. Sock Reform is coming to JeffLand and I hope that this new initiative will solve many of the problems encountered by the old system. One of the key reforms is that when new socks are procured, they shall only be black in color. Preferably, they should be of the same type and weight as others previously bought but the main focus is that they are all black. Also, much like other currencies around the world, old socks (typically unmatchable ones or ones that have holes worn in them) are taken out of circulation. With these reforms put in place, I hope we can move forward to create a nation where paired socks are plentiful and the words, “I don’t have any clean socks” never have to be heard coming from a child’s mouth ever again.

Asshole Tickets

Some people are assholes and there seems to be no getting away from them. These assholes are often easily identifiable when it comes to their cars.

Some people take to writing the offending party notes and leaving them under their windshield wipers like they were a member of the Asshole Police, writing a ticket to some asshole who’s double parked in two handicapped stalls. Take a gander at these beauties:

Back To Work

Here, in the waning hours of vacation, I lie in dread… for tomorrow is a return to work. My carefree days, playing video games in my pajamas and not knowing what day of the week it was… they’ve come to an end.

I lie in my bed writing this and I know I can’t hold out forever. Sleep is coming and with it a new day. It’s just going to really suck.

Festivus For The Rest Of Us

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dS7-jcsB_WQ]

Today is Festivus, a secular holiday celebrated on December 23rd. The holiday, as portrayed in Seinfeld and now celebrated by many, includes practices such as the “Airing of Grievances”, in which each person tells everyone else all the ways they have disappointed him or her over the past year. After the meal the “Feats of Strength” are performed, involving wrestling the head of the household to the floor, with the holiday ending only if the head of the household is actually pinned down.

JeffLand Prevails!!!

There’s one thing about ruling a nation lying this far north; the weather can get very unruly in the winter months. Today, we experienced a day’s worth of falling snow which caused the drive home to be a little dicey. There were several accidents which turned my thirty minute commute into a full hour endeavor. The highways and by-ways were covered in snow and ice, making the roads slick and creating an overnight job for Edmonton’s snow removal crews.

Luckily for me, JeffLand is small and the snow removal budget can be kept to a minimum; some sidewalk salt and, at worst, a new snow shovel. Occaisionally, it may cost me a hot chocolate from Tim Hortons if I contract the work out to one of the princes.

However, with the Christmas season being so close, having tons of snow and extreme cold isn’t condusive to leaving the house to go shopping. As such, there isn’t much under the tree thus far. It hasn’t helped that we’ve taken a financial hit this year and money is tight. Much like every other nation in the world, JeffLand has felt the effects of the global recession. So we’ve tried to do what we can and pinch pennies where it’s possible.

Even with this financial strife, we’ll find a way. JeffLand prevails!!