I’m trying to decide on a national sport for the New JeffLand Empire. I have always loved hockey and there are many other citizens of the NJLE that also love hockey. The obvious thing would be to just make hockey the national sport. However, all of the citizens of NJLE are fanatical Skee-Ball fans and, while Skee-Ball may not be an obvious choice for a sport, it may be the most appropriate selection.
Skee-Ball. Close to the heart of the NJLE.
The jury is still out.
Every country needs a motto. The United States has ‘In God We Trust’ and, so, I’m left to chose a motto for the New JeffLand Empire:
Try not. Do. Or do not. There is no try.
Not bad, eh?
Die, motherfuckers!!
So I get nightmares that involve the undead… any idea why? Shotgunning Nazi zombies may just be the cause… but it’s also therapy.
Once again, another Friday the 13th has passed and you didn’t get me. Until next time, sucka.
A 'Punchbuggy': the Volkwagen Beetle
There has arisen a crisis in the New JeffLand Empire; a crisis so dire that it has pushed me to lay down some ground rules for the code of conduct during the game of Punchbuggy.
For those who aren’t familiar with the game of Punchbuggy, it’s largely a travel game where participants are on the look out for Volkswagen Beetles. Once one of the players sights one of these cars he is to punch the arm or leg of another player while shouting the word “Punchbuggy”.
However, there are definite problems in JeffLand with the understanding of the basic rules of Punchbuggy. And part of the glory of Punchbuggy lies in its simplicity.
Rule #1: Only one person may call ‘Punchbuggy’ per car sighting.
Rule #2: The ‘Punchbuggy’ caller is entitled to one (1) hit/punch on one other player.
Rule #3: The caller must use their entitled hit/punch as soon as possible. Hits/punches cannot be saved for future use.
That’s it. ‘Punchbuggy’ is really that simple.
There are some, however, who would try to complicate this game by throwing in additional rules and tweaks into it. These additions are NOT part of the game and must be avoided. There are no rules stating that convertible punchbuggies are worth two hits or that the caller is allowed to hit everyone in the group once or even that more than one person can call the same punchbug.
Anything other than the rules prescribed above is a fraud and shall not be observed during normal play.
As well, there would be those who would create their own new game, ad-hoc, that are direct rip-offs of Punchbuggy. Games like ‘PT Bruiser’ or the ‘Focus Poke-us’ game fall into this category and are hereby outlawed. Those caught participating in these rip-off games may be penalized to the full extent of the law and may even be put to death. That’s how seriously the NJLE takes this matter.
Hopefully, the Eskimos can come away win their second win of the season and turn around this train wreck of a season!
The Royal Family is heading out to Capital Ex tomorrow for the celebration of the Duke Of Ginger’s recent ‘coming of age’. The Duke just turned thirteen… meaning he’s graduated to being a teenager now. It should be an absolute smashing time.
It was about one year ago that I was in the same situation as I am now. Yes, once again, the Royal XBox 360 is dead.
I was one of hundreds of thousands of poor saps who had purchased an XBox 360 that suffered the Red Ring Of Death and, just over a year ago, that console up and died a most inconvenient death. Luckily for me, Microsoft was supporting this failure with a free repair. Rather than repairing this particular console and sending it back to me, I was sent a refurbished console for my troubles.
This year, it’s another failure. Of course, it couldn’t be another RROD which would be covered by Microsoft. This year, I’ve got to deal with a disc drive that won’t read the disc. The bill for this failure is going to be footed completely, 100% by the taxpayers of the NJLE.
I’m sure this comes as a shock for most people as Microsoft always provides quality products and genuinely cares about their customers.
Enter: the XBox 360S, Microsoft’s newest offering to the gaming world. Supposedly, the heat and fan issues have been resolved with this newest console, making it quieter and increasing it’s life. Well, one could hope that it would be longer than a year, anyway.
I’ve been seriously considering going out and buying myself one of these new consoles, transferring my data to it and then sending my old white, matte box off to Microsoft for repair before donating it to the youth of the NJLE. That’s one of my current considerations, anyway.
What’s the other consideration?
The other thing that I’ve pondered is giving Bill Gates and his behemoth software empire a gigantic shove-off and buying a Sony Playstation 3. Some of my favourite titles are available on the PS3 and it’s also got a Blu-Ray player embedded within it. That’s basically putting gaming and HD movies into one package; a package that I don’t have yet. I don’t necessarily want to buy a separate Blu-Ray DVD player. It would be like killing two birds with one stone… or just killing Bill’s lame duck with a Sony slingshot.
I don’t know… I’ve got a few options, I guess. Really, I just want to start playing Modern Warfare 2 again as quickly as possible. That being said, I also don’t want to lose all of the progress I have built thus far on the XBox Live system. So who knows. There’s one thing that is for certain: I’m just pretty sick of funnelling money into the technological money-pit that is known as Microsoft.
Ok, I’ll admit… smoking cigars inside the palace wasn’t the best idea I’ve ever had. I spent all day yesterday with the windows open and the internal circulation working overtime trying to air it out. The cigar smell is quite persistent but I think I’ve got most of the smell out… I’ll probably need to take a bit of a tour of duty with the Febreeze to get the last remnants of odorous resistance that are still lingering.
Bill Clinton Knows His Cigars
Oh, Bill.
I don’t have the same “Presidential” experience with cigars that a guy like Bill Clinton does. That being said, I did enjoy the second cigar I’d smoked which was the one I bought at the nearby 7-11 (there’s some irony in there, I think) as it was a far better smoke that the dried out stick I’d smoked earlier on in the evening. It was a Guantanamera Cristales cigar; a Cuban cigar, no doubt. Apparently this cigar is one geared towards novice smokers like myself. Hence why it’s available at the 7-11. Looking at some reviews online, cigar aficionados don’t think much of this cigar, with the opinion that it’s not going to give a novice smoker much enjoyment out of smoking in general.
The thing was $6.50 CDN and I’ve venture to argue it the other way; that spending any more than that on a cigar for someone who really isn’t going to be able to notice a significant difference anyway is a waste. It would be comparable to spending $100 on a bottle of wine for a first time wine drinker. I guess if it was an incremental increase, it wouldn’t be a big deal but I’m really not into it enough to start paying $25 a stogie.
Back To The Homeland
The remainder of the royal family should be returning tomorrow from their vacation to the west coast. I know they had a good time and my time here alone has been… well, less than noteworthy. I haven’t really done much other than work and drink. But, hey… what’s a guy to do in a time of boredom?
I’ve been trying to spend some time to get everything in order around here and make it presentable for when the rest of the crew arrives tomorrow night. Of course, there’s always more involved than you would originally think. I’ve been having allergy issues and trouble sleeping so I’m thinking that cleaning the fuck out of this place to try and make it a little easier for me to get some rest at night. Once I’m done, only time will tell.
Hopefully, the palace can be spic and span before the end of tomorrow night… as a surprise for the family.
Yeah... JeffLand/ManLand... it's all the same today.