For real.
My iPhone Is A POS
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Author Archives: El Jefe
Cat Scratch Fever
Fuck yeah.
Just throwing it out there: Tory Belleci of Mythbusters fame… yeah, he retweeted me. I think this qualifies as one of Garner Andrews’ “Lame Brushes With Fame” and I am all aflutter about it.
Some Days Are Like This:
Who Cares?
No one. That’s who.
It doesn’t matter and it never has. It’s supposed to be something that comes from inside that makes this life worth living. Isn’t it? Some shred of honesty and self-realization that makes me a good man, that transforms me from the beast that I am to something worthy of desire and love?
While I may have lost these things, I believe I once held them as part of who I thought I was and yet it made no difference. I grew uglier.
It’s dusk and, yet, the city refuses to be silenced. The birds have returned to their nests and the white noise of tires clashing on asphalt is omnipresent.
I lay here, in darkness… listening to the jetliners pass overhead; full of people going somewhere to do something.
Me? I just lay here.
Listening.
To the droning of the city.
iPhone Haterz
The iPhone 3GS
Sure, I’ve professed my love for the iPhone to so many people. I’ve bragged about it and it’s superiority to other smartphones. And there are many other geeks out there that would agree with me.
However, right now… in this very moment, I absolutely HATE my iPhone. HATE.
I’m not even two years into my iPhone 3GS ownership and, already, I have battery issues. Also, I think that I’ve got an issue with my dock connection which cuts the life to an unusable low level. Basically, on a good day, I can get maybe 20 minutes of use out of my phone when it is not plugged in and that’s after I turned off the 3G and dimmed the screen.
I’d read articles that would chide the iPhone for not having a removable battery. I read those articles and thought that they were really backwards thinkers for wanting to have battery access. Having the battery sealed inside the phone housing was an innovation, right?
It’s only an innovation if you have a fresh battery. Otherwise, it’s a massive pain in the fucking ass that turns out to be wicked expensive to fix. It’s so bad that I almost want to consider buying an Android phone but I’ve already invested so much money in apps for iOS devices that it’s a little late to change now.
July: My Month Off
Ball hockey. Over.
Outdoor soccer. Over.
Football. Taking July off.
Oh fuck yes. Now beer me.
So. Fucking. Close.
Yeah, you heard me bitch. Nuke.
I can’t believe it. I went 38-12 on a match, playing on Storm and got a 24 kill streak… WITH my Tactical Nuke turned ON. Time ran out before I could get the 25th kill and throw it out there.
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity-fuck-fuck.
(And, in case you weren’t sure… I’ve never called in a Nuke before. Did I say ‘fuck’? Because I meant, ‘FUUUUUCK’!!)
Vancouver Canucks… FAIL!!!
TIMMMAAAAYYYYY!!
My apologies for making the South Park reference but my boy, Timmy Thomas, almost single handedly won the Stanley Cup for the mother-fucking Boston Bruins. Screw the Great Wall of China… there ain’t NOTHIN’ getting past Tim Thomas!
Oh yeah… Vancouver? Fuck you. Assholes.
PS: I hope the golfing is good. BWAHAHAHA!! Viva Le Oilers!!
A Summer Of Birthdays
The Empire celebrated not one but two momentous occasions very recently.
The month of May holds the birthdays of the Prince of Stanley as well as the Prince of Albacore! Not only are they in the same month but they are a mere eight days apart!
As such, these two birthdays were rejoiced and heralded by everyone living within the borders of this great nation. Great feasts were held in their honour with gifts and music.
Many friends of the two princes came to join in the festivities. The Prince of Stanley had a sleepover while the Prince of Albacore opted for a family campout in the backwoods wilderness immediately behind the palace.
All that being said, it was an expensive month to try to balance the budget and maintain the infrastructure while still jubilantly commemorating these events. The best part is that the Queen has a birthday in June while the Duke grows another year older in July. It’s a non-stop cavalcade of birthdays throughout the summer. No wonder we never get anywhere.
Is The Smoke I Smell?
Blech.
I don’t know what the hell is with my senses lately; I think my sense of smell is really out of whack. In this last week, I feel like I have constantly been smelling cigarette smoke.
At work, at home, in the car… everywhere I know that no one is smoking, I keep thinking that I am smelling smoke. And, knowing that and being aware of that… I wonder if I’m going insane or that I’ve got a brain tumor.
I suppose that it’s possible that there actually IS a hint of smoke in the air from the wildfires that have been burning out of control further north from the NJLE however I am doubtful since I haven’t heard anyone else complaining about smelling smoke.
Of course, there is a third possibility; that I’ve simply been thinking too hard and I’ve burned something out in my head.