Nights like tonight make me wonder what the hell it is that I’m doing on this planet. Still.

I think to the 1,600 miles that I have to travel on this journey and I wonder about what is going to happen when I finally get there. I wonder if there will be arms able to openly welcome me? I always thought that there would be… but with everything that has gone on lately has, admittedly, shaken my confidence that this is a certainty.

I feel horrible admitting that. I know that there are reasons why things have turned out how they have; good reasons. But there are more than just those reasons. There are ties. There is history. There are feelings that run deeper than what I can ever strive to elicit. There are things I simply can’t compete with.