I’m trying to derive the borderline between what classifies as a ‘bad’ beard and what classifies as a ‘fucking brutally terrible’ beard.

Just to be clear; after 3 ½ weeks without touching a razor to my face, I’m not having great results. This is the furthest I’ve ever gone with growing a beard and I don’t think mine is freakishly patchy. That being said, the hair from my ear to my chin, including my cheeks and jaw-line are a touch on the sparse side. I mean, I’ve got rookie year Sidney Crosby beat all to Hell.But the real issue I have is with respect to the aforementioned fullness of my facial hair. The experiment isn’t exactly scientific in nature. I think the decision making process is based on criteria that is more qualitative than quantitative but still requires data collection from various, independent sources. 

While I’m not ready to fully reveal my findings yet, I have explained my facial hair growth to people in a few different ways. 

1. The first explanation is to completely confess to the experiment. That I recognize I’m folliclely challenged and that I’m doing this for the betterment of mankind. 
2. My second explanation is that I’m trying to grow a turbo-sad beard to make other men feel more secure and confident about their own beards. 
3. The third explanation is that I’m getting an early start on my Edmonton Oilers playoff beard… for next season.

I have to return to work on Monday of next week so I have to bring this experiment to a conclusion by then and decide on whether I should go into the office with facial hair and, if so, to what degree?

The things I do for science. Sheesh.